Recently, Charlie wanted to go to an after school event. Our schedule has been very full, so I had avoided this event before. It wasn’t on my “must do” list, but he wanted to go and so we did. Immediately when we got there, other third graders called out to him and included him in their conversation. I was so impressed at the inclusion. I admit that I have been carrying the sting of seeing my son bullied long after he had let it go. I admit that I have been guarding him, running interference even when I haven’t meant to, and ripping at my heart with every birthday party invitation because outside of the watchful eye of the teacher, who knows what will happen. Having a child who is “different”, such as my beautiful boy with Tourette Syndrome, makes a parent find creative paths. The instincts to protect your young at all costs have to be tempered with allowing him to find his way because you just can’t be there every second. Seeing him sucked into the third grade social group like it was the most natural thing in the world, filled me with hope and gratitude. Grateful that I didn’t give up on my school family and seek a solution in a different school. And grateful for the leadership at the school that dealt with the bullying immediately and with professionalism.
Yesterday, his teacher, Mrs. Vaughn, assigned an activity that required small groups of kids to collaborate. She was concerned that Charlie and his partner, another boy whose brain does not process instructions in traditional ways, would get off task and would not complete the assignment. She wanted to give them the freedom they needed to get things done, so she muffled her concerns and just kept a watchful eye without hovering. After a time, she noticed they were making what appeared to be wild gestures so she went over.
“What are you doing?” she asked. “Rock. Paper. Scissors.” they answered, as if it were the most important thing on their path to completing the task at hand. Luckily, Mrs. Vaughn possesses the sense to ask “Why?” before she says “Stop that and get to work!” I am not sure I have that sense. At any rate, the boys explained that when they had a disagreement on the project, they would use rock, paper, scissors to determine what option to follow. Mrs. Vaughn asked if they were having trouble getting along, what with all these disagreements and everything. “No, Mrs. Vaughn. We’re just problem solving.” they said.
Of course they are. Mrs. Vaughn’s ability to allow them the creativity they need to get their work done, rather than following a lock-step procedure, allows them to get it done. These boys are going to be creative engineers, game designers, or something else amazing and fabulous. They are paddling their own canoe, which is what we had in mind all along. I agree with Charlie when he says “I am going to miss third grade. I haven’t had enough of Mrs. Vaughn.”
